The Sibling Project: The Birth of Buzz

{part one}
{part two}
{part three}

These are those incandescent moments of clarity.. the ones in which your body just sets in to motion to do what it is compelled to do. What a woman instinctively is born to do.

As the nurse calmly asked me to get on to the bed so she can check me another rush came over me and I immediately felt that oh so familiar pressure. I remembered this feeling when I had McQueen. and I remember telling Bear I was afraid he was going to fall on to the floor and that if she wanted me on that bed she was going to have to put me there. And she did.

This time, I was ready.. no assistance necessary. I told the nurse he was coming now and climbed on to that bed. Okay, actually it was more like "screw that lady, he is coming now!"

Bear returned just in time for that rush to take over me. Assuming the position, she stood by my side to comfort and encourage. Partially naked with my gown barely covering the top half of me, I moaned and grunted my way on to that tiny sliver of a mattress they call a bed. I'm not sure if nurse Crystal really checked me or noticed the crowning of a baby head, but she did declare me complete with an "oh my" statement. And from that moment on she trusted every movement my body made and every word that came out of my mouth. A nurse I first thought to be irritating became my second favorite hospital staff member, besides my first delivery nurse with McQueen.

"Do what feels right, you are amazing", said the nurse. Closing my eyes I tried to focus as I grunted and groaned. Bear held my hand, stroked my hair and whispered gentle affirmations in my ear. I could feel Buzz's head pressing against my bones as my stomach tightened.

I could hear the nurse tell the attending physician that my OB still hadn't arrived. Where was my Dr? Even worse.. where was Papa?!

In between my animal-istic noises I did a quick head count. We were one father short. I turned to Daddy, looking him dead in the eyes, asking if Papa was going to make it in time. He was frantically dialing his number over and over with no response. At that point I could care less if my OB was there for delivery. I didn't need a Dr to deliver this baby. I knew what i needed to do to get him out. But both his daddies had to be there for this!

Within seconds Papa flew in to our room just as another wave crashed in to me. I could no longer speak. My body only made noises and thrusts as I was in the thralls of hard labor. Another nurse had come in to start an IV. I wanted to tell her no, but my body was limp and words escaped my mouth as I rested in between the rushes. I was relieved when I heard Bear and Daddy tell her no pitocin.. she doesn't want any pitocin.

I can't express how grateful I am to have such wonderful, supportive and loving people in my life. When you are pregnant you are no longer making decisions for yourself, you are making them for another life. But when you are a surrogate, you are making choices beyond that. You are making decisions for someone else's child and the balance of your needs coupled with theirs is a very delicate harmony. To have a partner and two father's (two friends) respect me and my child birth choices.. well, it's just a beautiful symphony.

As another wave crashed in to my body and all I could think to do was push. Eyes tightly closed, I pushed harder as the intensity grew. I felt the worst burning and tearing sensation that I have ever experienced. I was in my own world.. I heard the words "just cut it, please just cut it". I swore Buzz was stuck and they were going to cut me to get him out! My mind went to the materials I read on babies with shoulder dystocia and what to do if they got stuck. I was thinking to myself, I need to move.. I need to do the gaskin-maneuver! but all I could do was push harder.

Until I heard Bear tell me to stop.

I opened up my eyes and saw Buzz half way on the bed between my legs. His head and shoulders came out so quickly there was no time to turn them and he was born occiput posterior. At that moment I realized he was actually outside of my body for the first time. I immediately began to cry it was so surreal. Bear kept saying, "he's okay, it's okay".. "remember, he's getting oxygen from the cord". but I was still so confused as to what happened.

This part of the story i learned after his birth

When Buzz came out he was blueish-grey. The cord was wrapped so tightly from his neck to belly button, the doctor was afraid it would tear which could cause him to hemorrhage. To prevent this from happening, she had to slowly clamp the cord before cutting it in order to unravel it from around his neck. As soon as she did all this he became more pink and even gave a little cry to let us know he was in fact okay.